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I have just finally gotten around to watching the first part of Breaking Dawn & what a piece of shit it is. I will admit it I really enjoy the book series. It’s fluffy, silly & light reading with enough sentimental shit to tug on my heartstrings but overall I have not been impressed with any of the movies. I found them to be getting steadily better from the first installment but this last one takes the rotten cake to another level.

How many damned slow motion close-ups do I need of Bella’s pouty face. I maintain that this book (regardless of how massive it looks) had no business being made into a 2-part movie. There is not nearly enough to keep it full of interesting visuals & this movie made it blatantly clear by spending forever and a day on a wedding that, let’s be totally honest here, Bella looked miserable walking down the aisle to.

And what on Earth was going on with those wolfy voices?!?! Were they trying to yell at each other from inside a cave or something? Makes no bloody sense why they would talk like that at all. What a fucking joke almost all of the wolf scenes were actually. That lame fight at the end? Give it up, men don’t watch these movies so they can say they watched the best (re: LAME) action sequence EVER, if they watch it at all it’s to make sure they are getting laid, hopefully with extra goodies thrown in there for them. SO stop trying to appeal to men, they don’t give a rat’s ass.

I will say, however, that the job they did at making Bella look emaciated was exceptionally done. She looked disgusting, so well done special effects/make-up people. If only the acting was on par with the make-up but hey we can’t get that many miracles from that department can we?

The honeymoon was filmed beautifully but again entirely too many close-ups and slow motion shit. Yes, I get it they’re finally having sex but slow ass filming of playing chess….. what the fuck!

I am pissed off even more so than I have been about any of the other movies. Thankfully this waste of my time was brought to me free by the Halifax Public Library system so that’s a plus.

For all the people out there that told me this was such an amazing movie & the best of the bunch so far……….

What the fuck were you watching???

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