Last night I woke up really upset, not to mention creeped out completely. I had not only given birth…… to a freaking foal of all things but my husband handed me divorce papers because I had pimples on my chin. Sadly this can’t even be considered my strangest dream because I apparently have an incredibly vivid imagination while I am asleep. Here’s a recount of some of the stranger dreams I’ve had..
For whatever reason Eric & I had an urban farm area smack dab in the middle of the city. And on this farm (totally just got Old MacDonald stuck in my head ;-p) we had horses, but also some kind of scientists. The scientists implanted me with horse junk while I was riding a massive black stallion in a horse parade through the Dartmouth ghetto. Next thing I knew I was in my apartment bathroom and a huge splat of nastiness fell out of me, on the floor & partly landed on the dog. Sorry Boogs…. I went to tell my husband incredulously that I had just given birth to a foal & he decides he’s going to call his father to tell him without even bothering to say anything to me at all. So, in total Van fashion, I kept interrupting him to tell him again and again and why wasn’t he helping me. He then gives a huff and tells his father that he’s gotta go. He gets up silently and hands me 2 sets of divorce papers and an extra copy of one of the single pages. At this point I have no clue where the horse is, in fact I don’t see him again for the rest of the dream. I ask Eric why he’s divorcing me, and then scream it at him when he doesn’t answer me. Finally he sighs and says, “You’ve got acne on your chin & she says that you can get treatment for that but you don’t.” In the best snotty voice ever I sneered, “SHE, who the fuck is SHE?” It doesn’t matter he replies, this is about you. And then I woke up only to find my husband missing. Okay he was only in the bathroom but in my sleep boggled mind he was gone… And I don’t even have pimples on my chin as an excuse….
When I was a child I absolutely loved the Child’s Play movies. Should I have even seen at that age, yeah, probably not. But that’s besides the point. They didn’t actually scare me per se but they did prompt strange recurring nightmares that DID scare me so I assume there were some aspects that did scare me subliminally. In this dream I was always being chased by a tiny little basketball player wearing a red jersey. he was a vicious little bastard too. In one of my dreams I was living in Waterloo on Peppler Street and he wanted to kill me so bad he took a bulldozer to our house. Ripping off chunk by slow agonizing chunk of our front porch while taunting me to just come out and make it easier on everyone else. He chased me on his itty bitty legs up the street to a local playground where I completely outdumbassed the bimbos from horror movies by getting on the swing to try and kick him away while I was going to jump away after and run. WTF, really!! These dreams eventually stopped somewhere around my mid-teens years & I don’t think he’d ever actually gotten me but I can’t be certain anymore.
When you start having dreams about work I think it’s become apparent that you spend entirely too much time there. Shortly after I became and assistant manager for Shit Stop in KW I had a dream that the new store I had been moved to was attacked by ninja assassins. These guys literally came out of the ceiling tiles, completely dressed in black with those silver throwing stars. Which they then proceeded to throw at me in ninja fashion. I don’t even watch ninja movies where the fuck did this come from?? After they threw a zillion star thingys they just left, they were either really good or really bad because they didn’t hit me once…
Another time I was working in C’ton at the gas station I had a dream that I was in the back cooler having dirty sex with Eric. Why dirty you ask? No not anything especially fun in THAT department, but if you’ve ever been in a walk in drinks cooler, you’ll know that they are a sticky dirty mess and I was in there getting plowed by my boyfriend. Oh did I forget to mention that I also had two turkeys on each of my hands…. Yeah, oh and the store was open for business too so when people came back to by Pepsi I pushed it at them with my turkey fisting hands while Eric pumped away behind me.
What I hate the most is when I have dreams that repeat themselves all night long. I’ve recently had one where I was sitting in Hell’s Kitchen on a stool just reaching out to some unknown desire. Over and over again I dreamed this same thing that night. I’ve also repeat dreamed sitting on a beach for a sunset while a lone sailboat drifted by in front of the setting sun, sounds beautiful right? Not so much on the hundredth float by.
I have game dreamed several times as well. When I first started playing WoW I kept dreaming quests after I went to sleep. I’ve dreamed Angry Birds levels. Played slumber Bejeweled and killed Diablo several times while I tossed and turned.
I have never had a falling dream that I can remember. I have, however, had a dream where I was standing on my friend Leah’s balcony (15th floor) and walked the railing looking while thinking about jumping. I have flown many times, sometimes with wings, sometimes not. Once I even flew in a fantasy land (probably after reading a book) on a sea monster. Bet you expected dragon there right?
I have had dreams in which I’ve left my husband for another woman. Others in which he’s left me. Sex dreams with who knows & one with an animal. That was disturbing!!!
I have also dreamed up ideas. I came up with the decorating scheme for our wedding head table in a dream. A story idea which never came to fruition, something about mermaids…. And an idea for a painting I want to try sometime in the near future. Since I don’t paint and can’t draw to save my life (my stick people look fat…) this should be interesting.